


Road Rage

by Half_SubmergedinPurgatory



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Christmas fic, Crack, M/M, Swearing, i hope you like this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-09 02:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5521337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Half_SubmergedinPurgatory/pseuds/Half_SubmergedinPurgatory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaneki leaves to pick up Koutarou's Christmas gift at the last second and traffic is terrible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Road Rage

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheGayNerdGod](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGayNerdGod/gifts).



Traffic was terrible and Kaneki was beginning to get anxious. He had ordered a gift for Koutarou ( _a hand-carved wooden desk for their apartment. It was supposed to have an European twist to it that would suit Koutarou’s tastes more than any store-bought piece ever could_ ) a full TWO MONTHS in advance, but it had only been finished today, AKA Christmas morning.  
  
  
So, Kaneki was spending Christmas morning in traffic.   
  
  
And Christmas afternoon.   
  
  
Maybe even Christmas evening because THE ASSHOLE IN FRONT OF HIM MISSED THE ADVANCED LEFT AND HE WAS GOING TO KILL HIM.  
  


Kaneki had a death-grip on the steering wheel and fought to continue breathing evenly. He would get home on time for Christmas dinner with Koutarou. He would get home on time for Christmas sex with Koutarou. He had to get home on time because he was dead-certain Koutarou was going to be wearing the Santa outfit wedged into the back of their closet.   
  
  
He needed to see that. Really, he might die if he didn’t.  
 

The ticking of Kaneki’s turn signal was beginning to grate on his nerves. He’d been stuck in near-still traffic for over 2 hours. He’d already missed his opportunity to wake Koutarou up with lazy kisses and breakfast in bed.  
  
  
Tick-tick-tick-tick

   
Finally, he could make the turn. He was so close to the mall he could almost taste it. Of course, he probably wouldn’t have any parking, but he could get over that. Or honk at someone repeatedly until they pulled out. Maybe he could even speed a little bit…  
  
  
He should call Koutarou. That’d calm him down ( _there was somebody tail-gating him now and he was so close to doing something he’d regret_ ).  
  


Kaneki dialed his boyfriend’s number and listened to the ringing as traffic stopped in front of him again. The person behind him honked once and Kaneki unrolled his window, flipping the random jerk off.  
  


“Ken? Where are you? It’s been hours!”  
  


Koutarou’s voice was warm with concern and made Kaneki sigh, exhaling the tension of the day.   
  
  
“Hey honey,”  
  
  
He said, chuckling when he heard Koutarou grumble at the pet name ( _he loved it_ ),   
  
  
“I’ve just been trying to pick up a special order from the mall. Traffic here is a more formidable opponent than I expected, though.”   
  
  
Koutarou made an unhappy sound and Kaneki heard something unzipping. He grinned wolfishly, momentarily distracted from the gridlock outside his vehicle.   
  
  
“Hey, hey, don’t take off the Santa suit just yet. I’ll definitely come home on time to see that.”   
  
  
Kaneki teased, his voice dropping a register.   
  
  
He listened carefully for the sound of the zipper being done up again and for Koutarou’s reply of,   
  
  
“You’d better. You owe me something nice now that you snooped in the closet and ruined the surprised.”  
  
  
Kaneki was about to chuckle ( _or say something dirty_ ) when his entire car suddenly lurched forward. Traffic had inched forward about a centimeter while he was on the phone, but apparently **_somebody_** had decided it was time for Kaneki to move with it.  
  
  
They had rear-ended him. ****_They were going to die.  
  
_

A crackling sound erupted inside of the car as Kaneki’s kagune unfurled itself and he hauled open the door, abandoning his phone and Koutarou’s panicked shouts of,   
  
  
“Ken!? Ken! What are you doing!??!?!?”   
  
  
He strode back to the car behind him, staring ominously down at the driver with his grey eye (l _uckily the kakugan was still covered, though his kagune was blatantly exposed_ ). The **_shithead_** who thought he could **_rear-end Kaneki’s car_** after **_tailgating him_** and **_honking at him_** and generally **_pissing him the fuck off_** looked about ready to piss himself.   
  
  
“Do you have a death wish? Is that what this is? Or are you just another asshole who wants to ruin my Christmas with a license they clearly got out of a cereal box?”   
  
  
Kaneki growled, pressing his face against the driver’s side window. People were honking all around him, pissed off that he’d left his car, and ignoring the fact that he was clearly a ghoul.  
  


The terrified man he was threatening babbled apologies and hurriedly locked his door 7 times, as if it would make it any harder for Kaneki to rip the door off of its hinges. Satisfied with the horror he’d instilled, Kaneki turned to stride back to his car, only to be caught off guard by a punch.   
  
  
Road rage made people brave. Brave enough to fight a ghoul.  
  
  
**_God, he was going to kick everyone’s ass._**   
  
  
Back in their shared apartment, Koutarou listened to the noises of cars honking and a mass fight breaking out. There was snarling ( _Ken_ ) and cursing ( _also Ken_ ) and shouts of pain ( _not Ken. Good_ ). Finally, there was silence, a satisfied sound, and then Kaneki’s voice back on the phone.   
  
  
“Traffic is so slow that I bet the car will still be here when I get back.”  
  
  
Kaneki grumbled in a low and petulant tone. Koutarou’s heart rate picked up because he paid for that car and -   
  
  
“Ken, I swear to God, if you abandon our car on the road and run to the mall-“  
  
  
He began to threaten, white-knuckling the chair he was sitting in.  
  
  
“Merry Christmas, Koutarou. I’ll be home soon!”  
  
  
Was the cheerful response. Then there was a click, a dial tone, and the realization that Koutarou’s car was totally going to get stolen.   
  
  
“KENNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!”   
  
  
Road rage made people brave. Brave enough to abandon the car an investigator and member of the 0.001% paid for.  
  
  
Kaneki was going to die.


End file.
